“Review” April 29, 2010

Some of our friends at Miriam's birthday party

Home away from home

Well, we’ve made it to the last week of this year’s classes! As I start to go through my notes and reread assignments in preparation for exams, it’s hard not to think back over the course of this absolutely incredible year.

On my first night here, when my roommates were asleep, I scribbled a hasty diary entry. “So. This is it,” I wrote, “As of tonight, I live here… at Swarthmore… Today was basically every imaginable adjective– exciting, difficult, fun and exhausting…” I didn’t know then that the next eight months would be the most exciting, difficult, fun and exhausting of my life thus far.

I didn’t know then that I would meet truly amazing people. Among others: Miriam, my adorable future roommate who always makes me smile, no matter what my mood. Linda, who has lived everywhere from China to Missouri and is never without some madcap plan or a hug. Hannah, a Mennonite musical theater geek and prom queen who challenges my cynicism and my stereotypes. Chris, who is interested in almost everything and goes out of his way to make others happy. Elizabeth, who will say exactly what’s on her mind in the funniest way possible. Lauren, a genuinely sweet person who can’t bring herself to say a bad word about anyone. Quitterie, who goes to Mass with me every week and bounces with excitement when she hears the word “philosophy.” Mariah, my knitting buddy, who can make me laugh with as little as a raised eyebrow and knows how to deal with me when I just need to vent. There are so many more people, so many other friends that I wish everyone considering Swarthmore could meet. These are just the ones who spring to mind first. These are some of the ones who showed me how inspiring, intelligent, and incredible people can be.

I didn’t know on that first night that classes would prove more challenging than I imagined. I have had to work harder than ever before, and for grades that would not have made me happy in high school. People warned me over the summer that I would find it hard, and I came in thinking I was resigned to not get A’s. But I didn’t know how much it would sting to try my best and not get the best grade. I think I’m getting the hang of it now, but more importantly, I am finally starting to accept that doing my best work is what I should be proud of. And as our t-shirts say, “Anywhere else it would have been an A… really.”

I didn’t know then how to keep myself from stressing too much. Registering for classes the first time nearly brought me to tears, because it was overwhelming to make sure there were no time conflicts and judge if I was taking the right courses. Now I know I should have talked to my advisor or Student Academic Mentor, taken a deep breath, and hoped for the best. I also agonized too much about whether certain people liked me, when I should have focused on the friends I know I have. I can’t pretend my life is stress-free now, but I’m more able to handle it. I know who I can lean on: my family, my lovable friends from home, and my new friends here.

I didn’t know then how much fun lay ahead of me. Trips to Philadelphia for Chinese food and shopping, late nights gossiping and reminiscing, milkshakes, movies, and hours of playing boardgames have been highlights. If I could go back and talk to my middle school or high school self, I would want to tell her, “Hang in there. You’re going to meet wonderful people, do lots of silly and awesome things, and really enjoy yourself very soon. College will be everything people promise you.” Of course, I wouldn’t really tell her that– I’m enough of a nerd to know it might alter the fabric of time, and high school me was pretty sick of advice.

I’ve said it a hundred times, but I am shocked to find the year so close to over. I am thrilled to get a break from studying, go home, see my old friends and sleep like a normal human being. But I will miss Swarthmore. I will miss hanging out with my new friends and the feeling of new ideas saturating my brain. I don’t know if sophomore year can be as exciting, difficult, fun and exhausting as this year has been, but I hope it will be.

When I consider the year as a whole, all the beautiful moments alongside the difficult ones, all I can say is that I am so glad that I chose to come here.

“Smile” April 23, 2010

Flowers

I did *not* take this picture, but I wish I did!

Two days ago, I was childishly playing in the bookstore with my friends Miriam and Mariah, and I found a Freud Magic 8 ball that said things like, “Tell me about your mother,” and “How does that make you feel?” My personal favorite was “Less guilt, more smiles!” Though I’m not in the habit of taking life advice from toys, I thought, “You know, I should smile more. Sure, I have a lot of things that still have to get done, but there are even more things to be happy about!”

For one thing, I registered for some amazing classes next semester– Hebrew for Text Study, Intensive first year Spanish, Phonetics and Phonology, and Power, Authority and Conflict. When else in life am I going to have the chance to learn to read classical Hebrew, speak Spanish, and understand the basic components of speech and social structures?

I’m also excited because my friends and I figured out our housing for next year, and I couldn’t be happier with it. I’m going to be in a small, slightly off-campus dorm with only about 20 other people, and my floor will be almost entirely my friends. No more communal bathrooms! My room will have a (non-funtioning) fireplace! My room mate and I are already really close! How could housing be any better?

Then there’s the fact that the campus is absolutely beautiful. Everything is in bloom and the weather really couldn’t be nicer– not too warm or cool this week.

So yes, finals are coming up and I have two big papers to write. My allergies have been acting up (living in a gorgeous arboretum is great for eyes, but not so much for sinuses) and they make it hard for me to sleep. A pretty considerable part of me is eager to go home for the summer and take a break and just hang out with my family.

But it doesn’t take much to make me smile these days. I’m lucky enough to be in an amazing place with fun and interesting, intelligent people that I get to call my friends and professors.

“Responsibility” April 16, 2010

"Use well thy freedom" plaque on the side of Parrish

This week was Ride the Tide, the two days for accepted students to visit and decide if they would like coming here. It was so exciting to see all the specs running around, trying the activities and attending classes, and it reminded me of my own time at Ride the Tide, when I first met a few of the people I would come to be good friends with. I couldn’t help but reflect on how far my classmates and I have come since our days as specs.

For one thing, we’ve all had to become much more responsible, and that’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I know there’s a big difference between real adulthood and being independent in college, but I do feel that my classmates and I have grown up a lot over the course of the year. It’s strange to go from a whole life of having parents/guardians and teachers tell you what to do, and overnight find that you’re in charge.

From the first night on your own in your dorm, there’s no one to tell you to brush your teeth and go to bed because it’s late. And yes, we’re college kids and most of us keep really strange hours. (I try to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night, though I’ve fallen short of that this week.)  Granted, we have RA’s, who can be helpful in a lot of different situations, but they are not your parents, and they are not the hall police. Even as freshmen, we’re expected to more or less take care of ourselves. At first it’s hard, and at times it gets tiring, but ultimately, it’s pretty freeing. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’ve been surprised that I really can act like an adult.

In high school, I was always trying to find ways to miss a day of school. I can’t completely explain why; I’ve always like learning, but in high school so many classes moved slowly, and at times I was just bored. Now, even when I’m tired or feeling a little under the weather or behind on school work or the newspaper, I never let myself miss class. Maybe that’s because I find almost all of them interesting, and they move so fast that it would be hard to catch up. Still, I think a lot of it is wanting to be a responsible adult.

As I’ve said in my last two posts, there’s a lot of freedom here, and at times we all tend to act like little kids. But when papers need to be written, problem sets have to be finished, and plans need to be made, we’re able to step up and grow up. Now maybe that’s just something that happens when you move away from home, but even if it is, I can’t imagine a better place for it to happen than at Swarthmore.

“Fun” April 9, 2010

Hannah and me playing in the spring weather

Now the weather has hit full-time gorgeousness, it’s hard to make myself do all the work that has to be done. But the prospect of locking myself away in McCabe is both unpleasant and utterly unnecessary. A lot of prospective students have asked me what Swatties do to entertain themselves, and worry that the stereotype that we’re overworked, overwhelmed and constantly stressed is true. While it’s not entirely false, Swarthmore students are definitely more than capable of knowing when to stop working and go enjoy themselves.

So what do I do for fun?

• As I’ve written about before, people sometimes go into Philadelphia, though not as much as you might expect.

• There are usually plays and concerts on the weekends. A lot of them are student-run, and it’s always good to go support your friends in their creative efforts.

• I tend to just hang out with my friends. It sounds really obvious and simple, but the best times I’ve had here aren’t the ones I’ve planned. Spending a Friday or Saturday night watching a movie, or knitting, or just talking is usually really fun. The people here are, without exception, really interesting and most are friendly at heart. I don’t have to actively do something to have a good time with them. Of course, I’m a pretty sedate person, so other people might prefer other activities.

• There are parties on the weekends. Parties at the two frat houses are open to everyone, and there are occasionally parties in some dorms. Then we have a place called Paces, which is a café on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights, (it serves milkshakes, which is beautiful when you need to celebrate finishing homework at 11 o’clock) and on Fridays and Saturdays there are dances there. It’s kind of a club-like atmosphere, and a lot of people like it very much. I wish I could say more about it, but I really don’t like the whole loud music/dark places/flashing lights/dancing scene, so I haven’t gone there. One of my favorite things about Swarthmore is the fact that I can have a fun social life without going to parties, but they still exist as an option.

There’s absolutely room for fun at Swat. Life here is busy and we do work hard, but as a whole, students here tend to be realistic about their limits and budget time to enjoy themselves in whatever ways they can.

“Childhood” April 2, 2010

Chair fort with some friends in the fall

Apparently the only picture I have in my panda hat.

My friend Hannah is a big fan of inducing me to make weird faces for pictures (and we wouldn't be friends if she did actually lick me)

When I was home over spring break, I went window shopping with my childhood best friend and saw a little plaque that said “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” And I thought, “That’s Swat.”

This is not to say that I had an unhappy childhood–– I have a great family and formed a few irreplaceable friendships–– but I was always a bit of an old soul and found it hard to connect to most other kids. But since coming to Swarthmore, I’ve managed to become a little more light-hearted, not take myself so seriously, do some things just because they looked fun.

For example, my friend Linda brought three panda-shaped hats back from China for me, our friend Miriam, and her. They’re completely bizarre, but weirdly adorable. I would never have worn them before coming here, but the three of us have wore them in public more times than I’m sure I want to admit.

And now that the weather’s so nice, I like to lie on my back and watch clouds float by. I haven’t done that in years, but now that I’m here, I can do it without even thinking (that much) about the ticks that are surely nesting in my scalp.

When my friends break out cameras I don’t mind making funny faces, instead of hiding or smiling.

I’ll eat dinner sitting outside and not even think or care about the fact that the grass is wet. When I feel mud coming through the knee of my jeans, I feel like a little kid playing in the dirt–– and I was never that little kid before.

Why the sudden turn-around? Why has my inner child finally emerged? I can’t really say. I don’t think it has to do with a lack of responsibilities, since I feel a lot more “in charge” now than I ever have before. Acting like a child doesn’t necessitate acting irresponsibly. Kids aren’t dismissive of life and its opportunities; they’re in awe of them.

I think it’s because of my awe at the way life has worked out that I can take myself less seriously. Sometimes I am just so amazed that I’m in such a beautiful place, a place that I really think is so perfect for me on every level, that I just get a little giddy, and I want to try everything I can.

And if that means looking silly, what do you expect? I’m having a happy childhood.